Saturday, March 29, 2008 @ 10:28 AM
AWW... the sky is crying for me...
I've let everyone down.
I lost the deciding match against BOWEN. pathetic score. I didn't really put in my best effort though i keep saying that i wanted to win. Maybe i overstimated myself. B4 coach left, he said to me: i only want to hear you win & not lose. I didn't expected myself to be the deciding match but expected myself to lose the match.
I went up the stairs immediately after my defeat. I felt like calling someone, at least he can console me. but he didn't pick up the call. Ella came up. & for the first time, i cried infront of her. She said to me: you've done your best and i can see it. Now, my part as the captain is over, and i'm handing it over to you. I told her: i'm not fit to be one. i've let the team down. ''no, it's the team spirit that you have that makes u the best captain.'' she said.
For that few minutes, i felt so close to Ella. We laid below the lights of the hall & we chatted. About her failures and struggles. & i started to realise. how different her situation is from me. She really had struggled. Whereas mine? It's just 1% of what she'd gone through. Ella is such a tough girl. I really admire her.
We took taxi to hong kah & it's the time i LOST MY POUCH. such a short period of time, i lost my pouch again. I felt so useless. It's like, one after another. sway day again. 2008 isn't that great after all.
I told my parents about my defeat and my pouch. but their response is so different from ella, jing, coach. she scolded my for being such an irresponsible person and it's best if i quit everything in school, so as to give myself more time to study & iwouldn't have to rush here and there anymore. In that case, i also wouldn't lose or misplace my things. and, the whole family is in such a quiet state. the atmosphere is just so different.
Ella & jing is like, nvm, dun feel so sad ok? ppl will return it to you, lose match also nvm, there's still one year ahead & one year is a very big difference! CHEER UP! Coach says: it's okay la, you need to be a loser first b4 you can be a WINNER. come, sit down, we talk. lose pouch also nvm la, u can always replace it..dun brood over it okay? I thought coach will just scream at me upon my defeat but he didn't. Mabe i've really misunderstood coach. I should reflect on myself.
I just can't understand why can't my parents be like my ella,jing,coach. I'm already in such a depressed state. Can't u just console me instead so saying something that i'll never ever agree to do and stop rubbing salt into my wound? I know it's my fault but shouldn't you just leave it to another day when i'm better, and let me get well this time? omy...
Sorry girls, i've let all of you down. including BBSS & teachers incharge.
Thanks Ella! JingJing! coach and all other frens like yijun, huiwen, HJ, qingqing & hongkah-ers! You all have been a great help. thanks for cheering!
I promise:
I'll do my best in future and let the team strive. I swear i will not quit badminton. I'll be a good captain and not let everyone down. I promise.
JANET
you aren't there when i need you.
how pathetic it is.
